8:28 p.m. - April 30, 2002
Shabbat Shalom and Praise Jesus!
Today ran into a former colleague whose company I enjoyed minimally then and far less now, though I played the part well with good impressions left intact. It's not that I dislike people inherently, it's that I don't give them a chance to prove they're not the insipid dolts I judge them as within the first glance. Way back in the day I wrote A[deleted]a off and snubbed her for over a year before realizing Hey I like this chica, a character failure she reminds me of periodically, usually immeidately prior to introducing me to somebody.
At any rate, I made small talk with Former Colleague and suffered through a litany of It was So Wonderful regarding her stay in jolly old England that made me laugh because I swear I heard One Time In Band Camp and had to do a touble take. Then, when she began her slow but steady conversation descent she invited me to go with her to temple and when I declined chastised me for being a Bad Jew and I laughed it off because she is not a person with whom I enjoy telling the Jewish/Not Jewish story.
But since I'm feeling communicative and reflective, a doozy of a combo, I'll write about it here.
I'm a living rabbinical head fuck, that's what it boils down to. Jewish in the Jewish sense though refused to have a bar mitzvah simply to spite my parents, Jewish where that was my identity, Jewish where I kept going to Hebrew school long after it was required, Jewish where I went on weekend retreats to learn how to be both Jewish and American. Jewish Jewish, in other words. And then I began to question things essential to Judaism and was told Jews Can Be Atheists and it was no biggie, just as long as High Holy Day temple seats were paid in full. I did what I pleased, and ended up at a Christian university by accident and stayed because I liked it and not out of some religious calling or compulsion. Became a Christian not via some overwhelming emotional experience but through careful application of logic and self reflection which didn't disturb the family because I was away and out of sight, completely out of mind. So there I was, a Jewish Christian and while some may say I had traded in Judaism for Christianity I vehemently disagreed and sought to balance the two, finding them both meaningfully compatible.
Fast forward to my maternal grandmother's funeral in 1999 where it was revealed she had never been Jewish and in fact was Catholic, with the baptismal papers to prove it. Can we say S H O C K? So if my grandmother wasn't Jewish, neither was my mother and neither am I, so I became a fomer non-Jewish Jewish Christian and even today am unsure what to say when people inquire about matters of religion.
It's truly a small deal unless you think about typical Jews finding out they're not Jewish at all and never have been. Twilight Zone at times, punctured by comments from my uncle like You Mean I Didn't Have To Have My Dick Clipped?
Sometimes when I think about it I feel this is my 15 minutes of fraud, especially when I think of the hefty college grant I received every year as an undergraduate from the Christian university for being Jewish.
Damn I'm chatty tonight. Just wish I had funny anecdotes and humorous things to say.
