3:14 p.m. - December 29, 2002
I am quite tired of this project and the luxury is in the now, when I can plod and rethink, reconceptualize and play as I wish. Yes, I have a contract, but between you and me, publishing houses and authors play a game called Who's got the power and frankly, it's the writer because no matter the inducements, signatures on the dotted lines, threats, cajoles, and outright demands for finished products, the company can go nowhere until the author says I'm done. They know this, the author knows this, and each tries to save face while getting what each wants. I suspect the game changes after the first book in a series is published, because there is the fear of copycat authors and unscrupulous publishing houses who don't mind putting out competing products, and the pressure to release books (two per year) in orderly fashion is more obtrusive than putting out the (unexpected) Tome One. It's been quite the education and experience and more often than I'll admit I've wished I never began this project, but today is here and so is the book, and the finished product not far off.
It makes me nervous to visualize my book in print, my name there for everybody to see, the errors that will glare and invite criticism; how much do I feel like the little engine who could!