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7:28 p.m. - March 18, 2004
This is the way it's done
There are several strategic fronts concurrently engaged in my therapy, ranging from talking about the experiences so as to break the (inner)taboo, to the sequellae of these experiences – namely, interpersonal relations, trust issues, obsessions. Overall I can see progress but close up I’m frustrated and worry I’m not making headway though working systemically appears to yield the most results, even if these results are scattered and patchy. When I think about the theoretical approach to my therapy’s operationalization I wonder if I, too, will be like Napoleon and err strategically because I’m relying on several fronts to carry the battle rather than massing forces at a centralized locus or event horizon. But enough commingling of history and psychotherapy. The point, as long-winded and nascent as it is, is that I asked a friend to take me to the airport tonight. I have never asked a favor of this magnitude before and frankly, I was surprised by how easy and readily A[deleted]a said yes, contrasted with the bumbling way I asked. Perhaps a (midnight) ride to the airport isn’t a big deal but it is / was to me; it is one thing to ask for a pick-up, though I’ve only done so within intimate relationships, but going out of one’s way at an unpleasant hour was too much to ask. My therapist urged me to avoid the airport shuttle and ask a friend, test the waters of built-in assumptions that exist within the boundaries of friendship and it only took a minute. How easy, how unassuming, how surprising. Asking favors of another is not a form of helplessness.

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There is a steady breeze coming through the window tickling the hair on my legs. The weather has cooled somewhat, mid-80s, and I yearn for another month of rain though the sun means I will soon be able to spend time at my secret spot. Considering options for this summer since I won’t be returning to Washington, D.C. to teach and so far I have no compelling ideas. I’d like to take Ryan II camping; would taking him to the same (favorite) places I took Spec be a bad idea? It embarrasses me how often I think about Spec but maybe it’s normal (inevitable?) to think of someone when the last time I was at those places was with him. Pismo, Molera, the Mamoth lakes. Ryan II is not much of a camper but states a desire to try and I’d like to have someone enjoy what I relish, though I suspect since he’s not much of a reader or one for quiet time that he’d be bored. I’ll sell him on the hiking workouts. Joel, remind me why I’m with him?

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Virginia this weekend. Seattle for Easter with grandma. Washington, D.C. right after that. San Diego in late April. I say yes so I can’t complain, but I’m tired of training teachers. What would I do instead? If I were an artist I’d make chalk drawings in a Southern city where humid breezes make the colors stand out.

 

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