8:23 a.m. - October 25, 2004
Major challenge today? I am going to the mall, yes indeedy. I have not been inside a mall since A[deleted]a and I went a year and a half ago; too many people, lights, noise, and not knowing where the exits are is enough to keep me at bay. But today I will saunter, not hustle, down commercial tile floors under skylights and palm trees and find the blue jeans I want and maybe some socks as well. I will enjoy it and hope there is a Cinnabon so I can smell the buns. Not eat, of course, never eat in public and while alone, but I can smell for free.
Jeans in hand I'll take my book to the park and will finish up the Jules Verne that disappoints: Le tour de monde en quatre-vingts jours isn't as enthralling as I'd hoped it would be, but it is reassuring to know that I've still retained in the active lexicon nautical terminology en francais. A pat on my back but I'm not about to pick up Goethe in the original just yet. Tempted, but next up is Austen.
I chatter amicably because I'm disturbed by my dreams but reassured in equal measure that I did not panic or have an otherwise adverse reaction. The typical dream with the swing of the screen door scraping against the concrete and going into his bedroom and not being able to breathe, interspersed with other images of knowing he was watching me as I played in my backyard. Perhaps we made a game of it? I do not recall anything other than feeling hunted but fortunately, that feeling has become tempered by time since it arises only before or during sex or in my dreams. Things could be worse: I could open my eyes and still be dreaming and never be able to escape.
It will be a fine day, must be a fine day.