8:34 a.m. - March 04, 2005
Before entering elevators, see who's inside first
I am rattled, was not prepared for this - the guy I (tricked with? is that right?) filled-in-the-blank-with when I presented in Boston is here in Richmond. I bumped into him going down the elevator and I tried not to stammer but I asked him what he was doing here and he laughed and said I'm a damn good presenter. A compliment when my heart is pounding in run-away mode and my gut churns is not received well: Oh. Does he remember? Or is there a code where previous hook-ups (trysts?) go unacknowledged? Or is this code subverted in favor or another in this kind of situation? I'm nervous and I hate that, I'm fat/ter now and I hate that, I think he is one of the hottest men to have crossed my path in a long time and I hate that, too. I mean come on, I've seen him naked and we both have that - kink? - in common. How can I present and not have Boston running through the back of my mind? Shit.
Ran upstairs to splash water on my face. Training begins soon. Yesterday went well - I love the one-dayers. All day Friday-Saturday, far too many people here - expectations are high. Just smile and take charge for the next two days and all will go well.
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