9:40 p.m. - July 26, 2005
Silly
A moment of clarity or honesty while eating my salad at TGIF and gazing at a man across the way: Tanned, muscular arms, tight tank-top, dark hair, moderate goatee, nearly hairless arms. I struggled not to stare, stole glimpses, felt the butterflies lurching uncomfortably but pleasantly. Sitting there I thought this is what it means to be gay, to be attracted to men even when everything inside and out says one should not be. I haven't had many of these experiences, or when I have I've rationalized them away. Tonight was simply accepted and not a concern. Mostly.
A comfortable night.
