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November 03, 2005, 6:09 p.m.

One should have a gay buddy before attempting to forge a gay relationship

Disappointment - like starting a campfire and hoping the flames catch, experiencing the thrill of accomplishment and quickly realizing the flame smolders and the smoke remaining is acrid, unpleasant when only a second earlier it carried the scent of excitement and confidence. Things between A3 and I are not faring well and I'm disappointed, but not giving up.

Fundamentally, I struggle against myself, two halves opposing each other, a shy hope in combat against the defeatism of not deserving those things I yearn for most.

I am sad tonight.

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