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November 03, 2005,
6:09 p.m.
One should have a gay buddy before attempting to forge a gay relationship
Disappointment - like starting a campfire and hoping the flames catch, experiencing the thrill of accomplishment and quickly realizing the flame smolders and the smoke remaining is acrid, unpleasant when only a second earlier it carried the scent of excitement and confidence. Things between A3 and I are not faring well and I'm disappointed, but not giving up. Fundamentally, I struggle against myself, two halves opposing each other, a shy hope in combat against the defeatism of not deserving those things I yearn for most. I am sad tonight.
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