12:07 p.m. - December 13, 2005
A poor decision to take the month of December off; I had not foreseen how lonely I would become without travel and presentations to occupy myself. Holiday blues, isn't that what this is called?
I did not celebrate Christmas last year and pledged that Christmas 2005 would be different; I would engage, I would indulge, I would be with people or travel to someplace new. This season is more desolate than last year's and I resent and envy the bright yellow daisies growing along the fence, am tempted at times to hoe down the plant so the outside matches how I feel on the inside.
I wish I could be more mature and say I miss A3, but it is his company I miss, not him. That is not entirely true.
Unattractive people must rely on a beautiful personality, but what happens when one's personality is as murky and undesireable as the exterior shell?
I'm feeling spiteful and angry at myself. I'm going for a drive.