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January 22, 2006,
10:38 p.m.
Bile
I cried in the airport bathroom, that is what I will remember of this weekend. That, and nothing more. Meeting Joel in Dallas was a disaster that has taught me an important lesson: Friendship and opening up to people is a flawed enterprise when insincerity is the mortar cementing two people together. I've known Joel for nearly five years and considered him my best friend. As these things go, I was sorely mistaken. There is nothing more to say. I am angry and hurt and feel my defenses propelling me into that familiar place of being remote from people to avoid getting hurt. Such a waste after all the ground I've covered in this time. In the end, I am always the throwawayboy. It is dangerous to forget my place.
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