8:57 p.m. - December 29, 2006
Talked to Tricia earlier this afternoon and mentioned going to New York for New Year's Eve fun, something she - despite living in NY for 33 years - has never done. You lead such an interesting life! I would love to have your life for a year!, she said. I've been thinking about her comment all day and my riposte that I didn't share: It is your life, Tricia, that I wish I had: Married to a NYPD officer, teaching high school in a high-performing Long Island district, precocious eight- and nine-year old children who play football and the piano from a home on a leafy street, the looks and werewithal to be classy and sophisticated with ease.
So what if I'm single and tired of it, or that the silence inside my home wears me down: I get to travel often, I am the author of two books selling far better than Barbara-the-Editor ever dreamed in her masturbation fantasies, I'm invited to head up national committes on topics dear to me, I'm generally (?) respected by colleagues. Perhaps I am too hard on myself at times, but if I am, it is born of those secret desires I have but cannot achieve. No New Year resolutions for me, thank you, but 2007 could well be the year of letting go just a bit more. Bad things don't seem to happen when I do - it is a lesson slow to learn, with many repetitions, but I'm learning.
I am already making plans for New Year's 2007.
Things are looking up.
Leaving for NYC tomorrow morning and - gasp! - no laptop. No cell phone. Absolutely nothing but my body, too many shape-disguising sweatshirts, and the desire to have a good time free of worry.
Best wishes for 2007!