4:30 p.m. - January 04, 2009
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So now I'm a resident of Maryland, home is a cozy one bedroom apartment with nine large windows, and I am free, unfettered, and excited. When I daydreamed of a chance for some new start at life I always thought I'd take a picture of myself standing in front of the large You Are Now Leaving California signs by the side of the road, smiling at the camera and heading off on a road trip. Such didn't happen. I flew first class out of San Francisco, had a chicken salad for lunch, read C.S. Lewis, and snickered at how seriously I take myself these days.
Maybe this new start is only for a year. Maybe it'll be longer. Maybe it'll be good for me. Maybe I'll be more lonely than ever. Maybe I won't take the road trips to New York and North Carolina I'm already planning. Maybe I'll have a difficult time adjusting to apartment living once this building fills up. But all these maybes are inconsequential. I am young. I am financially well off. I have a job I love. I can do as I please. What worries and fears can stand against the knowledge that I am molding my circumstances rather than being molded by them, for once in my life? You do not understand what it feels like to breathe until you've suffocated. That time is over and a new time has begun.
