10:29 p.m. - June 27, 2010
A crack, and I see the ugly I've been covering up for a while. A charmed life some people say, I write books that sell by the tens of thousands, have money in the bank, pay cash for cars and travel when and where I want. These people don't know I come home at the end of the day and bolt the door behind me, crawl into bed and am too tired to sleep, exhausted by the constant face I wear, a thousand repetitive exercises put-on, take-down, put-on, take-down, with every do-you-have-a-minute meeting, every email, every telephone call, every autograph and every text message. I was foolish, thinking I might have outrun the bogeyman for the last time.
There are two things I am ashamed to admit.
First, I am constantly lying to my editor when I tell her everything is fine. The book is moving ahead nicely but I am still on chapter 1 after a year and half.
Second, I don't know how to fix this.
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