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100 More Things About Me
1. What sort of person are you? I�m shy due more to feeling ill-at-ease with myself and less to an inborn character trait. I�m quiet because I prefer to observe and then participate and often become the leader, a position I find comes easily, yet I�m uncomfortable when it happens.
2. How have you changed in the past 5 years? Five years ago, in 1998, I had graduated college and was working on my master�s degree. Comparing then and now, I find I�ve become even more the loner than I was before, cutting myself off from people and generally drifting away from the people I called friends. I think I was happier then, satisfied with my plans and objectives, and looking forward to settling down, getting married, and having children. Since then, I�ve come to realize I couldn�t recreate Leave It to Beaver and now I�m working on coming to grips about being a happy gay man.
3. I prefer tart green apples to the Red Delicious.
4. You know I�m crazy about you when I�ll spend two hours peeling an orange, even removing the membrane, and feed it to you.
5. My greatest fear is that I�ll live without close friends and confidantes.
6. I met the author Ngugi wa Thiong�o in Seattle and was invited to attend a party with him all because I greeted him in Swahili. I cannot read Swahili well enough to read his novels and I feel bad about that.
7. I graduated from a small Christian university that banned smoking, pre-marital sex, and underage drinking. I loved every minute I was at that school.
8. A secret wish nobody knows about me: I want to try pot. I think I�m getting too old, though. Why? To see what it�s like, to feel part of the club for once.
9. I sprinkle baby powder in my underwear before putting it on.
10. On scents: I�m all about deodorant. I�d like to wear cologne but I don�t know how to use it effectively.
11. My secret dream is to have a woodshop and make furniture.
12. When I was young I came across a dead body in the woods.
13. My cousin-but-not-really-cousin Kelly taught me to swim in a lake after my aunt Pam taught me to swim in a pool.
14. When I was returned to California after my stay in a New Mexico detention center, my uncle Tim and I had a man-to-man talk. His first question was, �You do like girls, right� and I played with his head and said, �Maybe not.�
15. I wrap boxes obsessively. Christmas and birthdays are special times for me simply for that reason. Needing to send a package makes for a very happy day.
16. I don�t know how to dress well. It�s something I�d like to learn.
17. Because of #16, I won�t go to clubs or popular bars. What if I was denied entry?
18. A quirk: (Just one?) In my personal bathroom I prefer a soap bar to a dispenser. Each time I use the soap bar, I rotate it in the dish so that one side doesn�t become softer than the other.
19. On writing: I�ve published a chap book of poetry, two short stories are anthologized, and I�ve published 16 poems in various journals over the years. I�m constantly tweaking a play I�ve written. A piece of erotica is being published in September. I have a contract to write six (6) textbooks.
20. My textbook-writing contract stipulates a new desktop computer every other year. Currently on my desk: Gateway Pentium 4, 1.8 GHZ, 512 MB memory, 120 GB hard drive, 21-inch flat screen. I�d think it was overmuch were it not that I have to run Photoshop, Pagemaker, and Word simultaneously and work with documents reaching 525 pages.
21. A secret wish: I want PS2 (play station II) to have fun with. I refuse to indulge. Besides, PS2 is best with a competitor rather than a solo experience. Or so I�ve heard.
22. Since the writing of the first 100 Things About Me, I still haven�t read a comic book.
23. One Thanksgiving I spent alone, holed up in my dorm room, because I was too ashamed to accept an invite; the woman who invited me to join her family was too ugly for me to be seen with her in public. I�ve always regretted that.
24. Speaking of dorms: I�ve lived in four (4) over the years. Two in Seattle, one in Ithaca, one in Cambridge. I love dormitories and living with people.
25. Thus far, my favorite State Quarter reverse is Maine�s. Something about looking out and moving away, I guess.
26. I like home-made scalloped potatoes with an exact balance between gooey and dry, with a layer of tomatoes in the middle.
27. I was caught having sex with a girlfriend in my parents� bed. It was winter and they had an electric blanket. Why I didn�t take the blanket to my room is something I�ll always wonder about.
28. States I�ve been to: California, Oregon, Washington, Idaho, Montana, Nevada, Utah, Arizona, New Mexico, Texas, Colorado, Illinois, Indiana, New York, New Hampshire, Connecticut, Vermont, Maryland, District of Columbia, Virginia, West Virginia, North Carolina, South Carolina, Florida, Kentucky, Tennessee, Missouri, Massachusetts, Michigan, Wyoming.
29. States I�ve lived in: California, Washington, New Mexico, Tennessee (for two weeks only).
30. Women constantly mention my eyelashes and eyes.
31. I say �someday� often. It�s better than admitting �never.�
32. When I�m worried, but not scared, I dust my furniture with orange oil.
33. If you�re ever invited into my home (a goal I�m slowly working on), don�t ask for ice cream. I dig around the carton and remove the goodies, leaving the rest smoothed over. To facilitate removal, I prefer chunks over bits. Chocolate chip mint is a bitch.
34. In high school, I never decorated my locker with anything at all and often forgot my combination, so rarely did I use it.
35. #34 is because I cut school so often I was never there.
36. Most of the exciting times in my life happened prior to my turning 18. This concerns me a great deal.
37. Most of my bills are deducted electronically. The ones that aren�t: Electric and phone. Can you guess why?
38. I�m far more patient than I let on. Unless you�re dumb and then I�m impatient.
39. Sometimes I over-estimate my abilities. Example: I began to remodel my bathroom 2 � years ago. I finished the sheetrock and then realized I don�t know how to do plumbing; it�s sat ever since.
40. Ideal breakfast: Blueberries and almonds; a glass of orange juice not-from-concentrate.
41. Usual breakfast: Toast (wheat), thin peanut butter (no chunks); glass of orange juice.
42. Everybody should: Read the Grapes of Wrath, Paradise Lost, Whitman.
43. Everybody should: Hug me, even if I say don�t.
44. On issues: Sex issues. Intimacy issues (they�re not the same). Sleep issues. Dream issues. Trust issues. They�re all connected and I link to the same events. But I worry, What if they�re not?
45. I don�t like clutter. Or collectibles. Or stuff.
46.I am in far worse shape than I was when I wrote the first 100 Things About Me.
47. Another secret dream: I want to establish a fund that helps investigate and research childhood sexual abuse on boys.
48. Something I�m ashamed of: I�m as superficial as you. I wouldn�t want to see an overweight, pot-bellied old man modeling underwear, either.
49. I believe: People are inherently good though easily swayed by self-serving temptation disguised as relativism.
50. Daily, I fear: That I�ll trip and fall. My feet are disproportionate to my body and sometimes I stumble and wonder, Is it this time?
51. Something I wonder about: What it�s like to have a parent cheering you on at a game.
52. Another thing I wonder about: Why do penises have to have that odor?
53. I love music but never remember titles or band names. I do recall lyrics. You know the �doot doot� song (by Freur)? I struggled to identify that one since the only words are . . . doot doot.
54. My family thinks I�m: Anti-social. Disturbed. A loner. Sad.
55. Yet another secret desire: I�d like to act in a play.
56. Yet another: Some day I�ll run a marathon and after that, a triathalon.
57. I exhibit all the nasties of road rage: Cursing, tailgating, flipping you off.
58. I did something to my Jeep and now the sunroof doesn�t operate. I�m embarrassed to bring it to the shop for fear it�s something simple, like pressing Open.
59. I cuss far more often in speech than I do in writing. I avoid saying cunt, pussy, and boobs.
60. Something I�m good at that doesn�t count for much: Organizing cupboard contents.
61. Trivia, Monopoly, Scrabble. I love those games.
62. A place I�ve never been that disgusts me: Las Vegas.
63. I don�t do: Crowds.
64. I do not: Sustain conversation well.
65. Seeking a teacher for: Electric wiring. Plumbing. Making stone walls. Pressing olives. Making wine. Pies.
66. Poet whose works I quote while walking at night: O�Shaugnessey, Whitman, Oliver.
67. I don�t offer information, but if asked I will open up.
68. Would like to act silly and laugh in a group of friends, talk more than I listen.
69. Why should you employ me instead of someone else? Because my 100% is the same as 10 people giving 150% and that�s the truth.
70. Something new I�ve learned recently: My old high school geometry teacher, the man I hated and despised with a passion and whose car I set on fire, also graduated from my alma mater. When your alma mater is as small as mine was, you�d understand why I�m struck by the incongruity of it all.
71. I like to watch boxing matches but never start to finish because that�d be sloth.
72. Kitsch. My enemy.
73. Aromas I savor: Tangerine. Cucumber. Pomegranate.
74. An animal I like to watch but would never own: A ferret.
75. I was repeatedly molested by a neighbor between the ages of 8 and 11. I can say that now. Before, I couldn�t.
76. Someday I�ll know what it�s like to believe the sun does indeed come out tomorrow.
77. I don�t have the patience to fish but enjoy watching others cast and reel.
78. I don�t wear shorts in public unless I�m at the beach. I don�t know why; I was like that even as a child.
79. I think people read my online journal because they feel sorry for me. I hate that.
80. I don�t trust a man to be monogamous with me. I don�t think I could handle being cheated on. Who can, really?
81. Many people find me na�ve. I just pretend not to notice things most of the time. Why bother, you know?
82. Thinking about #78, I realize I�m very possessive about my body. Another issue? Again, I want people to hug, touch, slap-my-back-me, even if I cringe. It�s good for me.
83. I�ve had the same stereo equipment since college and though I rarely use it (preferring instead my desktop speakers), I�m loathe to dispense. Working hard and saving literally dollar by dollar to buy and then load it into Juliana�s Mercedes means a great deal to me.
84. I care too much about what others think, even if they�re not thinking about me.
85. I despise � hate � myself for loving a man who hits me.
86. I doubt I�ll have another relationship with a man. Some people are meant to blaze solo while others borrow a spark to ignite the tinder inside.
87. #86 makes me very sad.
88. Birds make me happy.
89. My happy is a smile, my insecurity a laugh.
90. I have a permanent watch-line tan on my left wrist. Unlike most left handed people, I wear my watch on the left. August 15 is National Left Handed Day. Recall #61 and Trivia.
91. I like going to bars and watching people live. Two beers, maximum.
92. I don�t know a lot of things. This bothers me.
93. I fell in love as an adult for the first time December 31, 1992 in Miami, Florida. I was with Tasha at the Orange Bowl Parade and we listened to a Foreigner concert in the rain. She took my hand it was electric. We were together for a long time.
94. I fell in love again with Dana and what she offered: A woman who�d stand by her man and was stable, breathed stability in her pastor father, homemaker mother, four brothers, all of whom adored me. I wanted marriage, children, a minivan, Little League.
95. I fell in love with Spec when I realized my heart pounded each time I thought of him and that despite my fears, I would try. The first time I defied instincts, control factors, my past�s hold on my today.
96. I figure three people in a lifetime is a good average.
97. A good name for my one-day-dog is Antidote.
98. I�m all about a stiff upper lip.
99. I write because I have no one to talk to.
100. Someday, that may be different. Good thing this is 100, and not 101, else I may change my mind.
