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5:02 p.m. - May 24, 2003
Making summer plans and I may revisit a few more entries from Summer 2002 to chart progress, symptomology, delve into catechesis
Contract from the university back east arrived today and to celebrate, Iíve begun packing up some essential tangibles to send ahead Ė clothes, books, canít-live-withouts like the October issue of Hustler [editorís note: Only slightly kidding] Ė and more importantly, did an initial scan of the library holdings. Forgive me for I have no shame, but I am eager to get my hands on a few more titles despite pledging last year that I would no longer misappropriate library books. I renounced that pledge when I came across an opportunity to suggest titles for library acquisition and saw a month later that yes indeedy, the book is now on the shelf. You can see where this is going. How tempting! How self-serving! How brilliant! Suggest books and then borrow them, no questions asked, no library card checked. Itís a model for efficiency.

I am only .00001% joking.

I will be housed again in Maryland though the included mini-map, considerately placed there by Marti, shows that I am a 15-minute Metro ride away. The only drawback thus far is that I wonít pass through Union Station daily though for treats Iíll take the train to the station and hail a taxi to the university. Jesus. ďFor treatsĒ?

I have two T.A.s, one a return, one a newbie. Marti (intentionally?) left this section blank perhaps to induce torment. Please, please, please let it be Friendly Boob Girl instead of Squirrely Boy. Will have T.A.s 25 hours per week, full library privileges (this means I can assign research/fetching books/typing/reference checks/et al assignments to idle library clerks. I love this perk), the office, and new this year is a cafeteria card. Whoo hoo. Five courses, too many students (hence the T.A.s), a great paycheck. I can do this.

Disregarded a cardinal belief Ė never read the archives! Ė and read a few entries from last summer. Much has changed, much hasnít. Iíd say thereís been less change and more status quo and this is disappointing. I wrote a lot about Spec, surprise surprise. Being a paralyzed or rusty agent of change, Iím going to try to do something different, out of character, something new, something not me this summer. Hmm. Now thinking about this entry.

Reminder to self: Donít read the archives. They make you sad.

Damn it, thatís untrue. Partially. In that fucked up way, I miss Spec but increasingly so, when I think of him itís the fun moments we enjoyed that come to mind Ė the road trips, the beaches, camping Ė and itís like remembering high school.

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This has been a formative week therapy-wise. Spoke for the first time beyond pleasantries or rebuffs in the group therapy component, and talked in-depth about issues during the individual therapy Monday. Itís all about talking, talking, talking, reaching the goal of desensitization. Dr. Indy asked point-blank why I donít talk about it and I really opened up, surprisingly. I replied that Iím afraid if I do, people wonít listen. How fundamental, how out of the blue. Iíve been thinking about that today. Trusting people gets easier with practice and is worth the barbs and stings that sometimes accompany it, isnít it?

 

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