Get your own
 diary at DiaryLand.com! contact me older entries newest entry

10:50 p.m. - June 21, 2003
Catching up on lil' bits o'nothing
The natural elements - weather and family - colluded and I've just now returned to base camp after spending far too much time with my mother, an outing initially planned as dinner + conversation turning into dinner + conversation + flood warning + actual mini-flood + spending the night + lacking a vehicle of my own and thus left high and wet when it came time to flee.

The east coast is currently experiencing the wettest spring / summer ever; the weather is overcast and rainy (read: downpour) and I'm loving it; I much prefer water coming from the sky running down my back and armpits instead of the sweat I experienced last summer. So, it being wet, there's flood warnings constantly in the media but I thought perhaps these warnings were like smog alerts - you know, a formality because who really does stay home breathing out of an oxygen tank when advised? (excluding those who use canned oxygen for survival, of course) - and grudgingly went off to my mother's house for dinner and conversation in Frederick (about an hour and a half away from base camp). Main topic of conversation? Sinkholes. Plural. Up and down the roads in Frederick. Second topic? Evacuations from Frederick of those abutting creeks (there are creeks - real live ones - all over Maryland) because yup, flood advisories aren't merely lip service out here. Third topic? My mother absolutely refusing to drive me back to base camp and offering, If you're unconcerned with my safety I will drive you back but it would hurt to know my son is that callous. Jesus Christ mother, you'd think you were still Jewish.

Ended up staying the night and honestly, it wasn't too bad, just . . . uncomfortable. Her home, the one she shares with her partner, is a shrine to lesbianism. My eyes hurt simply looking at all the gay pride flags and memorabilia and trust me, seeing pictures of your mother lip-locked with her partner on the wall is unsettling but not shocking: Shock came first when I came across the Queer as Folk soundtrack CDs. Um, my mother and her partner are Deaf as in Monkey hear nothing or in other words, absolutely no sound deaf. Deaf deaf. I asked, Why? and that was a mistake because it opened the door for her to proselytize, a strange zeal and gleam manifesting when she explained the gay community, the oppressed, condemned, and marginalized group of outstanding (and wealthy and highly educated, she added) individuals they are, are forced to express their pride and healthy self-adjustment via the rainbow flag and All Things Gay.

I swam in the rainbow flag.

I felt odd driving her vehicle (brand new Maxima - such a beautiful vehicle) with its rainbow zigzag sticker on the front. I admit to investigating whether the sticker was removable before driving to the store in the rain.

Must also admit my mother is the happiest I've ever seen and her partner is damn likeable. And I also admit to feeling guilty when my mother says (often) I know you don't approve of my lifestyle though I hope you love me anyways.

This is a mental confuckdrum.

So I stayed over Friday night and today she hosted an early dinner party, asked if I would mind staying. I said yes (of course) and dined with 8 lesbians and a gay man and can I say AWKWARD? During the meal my mother mentioned that I'm a Christian and it was impolite open season along the lines of Religion is silly and Why is the church against us? but the shit got interesting when again my mother outed me and said, He's also a Republican. I don't know if this was my mother's attempt to maintain conversation or what but let me tell you, I think they would have registered less shock and horror had she stated I was a convicted rapist on parole and liked to prey on lesbians.

How does one maintain politeness when being attacked? I was impressed with myself for being calm and deflecting their criticisms with humor, smiling all the while. Why is it that if lesbians aren't sexually attracted to men, there's always a butch one and a lipstick one? Half the lesbians at the table probably have more chest hair than I do. And why is it gay men are fixated on youth? The gay guy repeatedly mentioned that despite being 46 he attracts bois in their mid- to late-20s and refuses to date anybody over the age of 35. Um, don't gay men get old too? I couldn't maintain conversation with him because I was disgusted.

And I was tempted to say, after my mother revealed my faith and political leanings, I'm gay too! but it would have been perceived as a joke. Heh. I like that.

:::::::::::::::::::::::

Catching up:

The concert was good - I'm not a huge James Taylor fan - and during his set it stormed and the thunder and lightning complemented the music. I became teary-eyed during Carolina in my mind, thought about Spec and our trip last summer. Since arriving I've thought about him and the things we did in DC, Virginia, all over the place. I'm feeling lonely, I guess.

Told Marti I like the guys and the surprise was only momentary.

I have two assistants, one the gay squirrely guy from last year, the other a nice-yet-insignificant woman from Edmonton.

I'm residing in a townhouse complex and my unit is broken into three floors; entrance on one, kitchen / living areas on the second, sleeping areas on the third. I have a pitched ceiling and many windows. I like falling asleep listening to the rain on the roof. Again, there's a creek behind me but I haven't explored it yet.

I begin teaching Monday and I'm looking forward to it. Must excel, must shine, must dazzle.

Did I mention already that I'm lonely? I don't feel half as brave as I did last year. I've decided I'll not do this again next year.

Things I haven't mentioned yet:

1) Ray.

2) The housemate.

3) Kelly, the woman downstairs.

10:50 p.m. - June 21, 2003
Catching up on lil' bits o'nothing
The natural elements - weather and family - colluded and I've just now returned to base camp after spending far too much time with my mother, an outing initially planned as dinner + conversation turning into dinner + conversation + flood warning + actual mini-flood + spending the night + lacking a vehicle of my own and thus left high and wet when it came time to flee.

The east coast is currently experiencing the wettest spring / summer ever; the weather is overcast and rainy (read: downpour/b> and I'm loving it; I much prefer water coming from the sky running down my back and armpits instead of the sweat I experienced last summer. So, it being wet, there's flood warnings constantly in the media but I thought perhaps these warnings were like smog alerts - you know, a formality because who really does stay home breathing out of an oxygen tank when advised? (excluding those who use canned oxygen for survival, of course) - and grudgingly went off to my mother's house for dinner and conversation in Frederick (about an hour and a half away from base camp). Main topic of conversation? Sinkholes. Plural. Up and down the roads in Frederick. Second topic? Evacuations from Frederick of those abutting creeks (there are creeks - real live ones - all over Maryland) because yup, flood advisories aren't merely lip service out here. Third topic? My mother absolutely refusing to drive me back to base camp and offering, If you're unconcerned with my safety I will drive you back but it would hurt to know my son is that callous. Jesus Christ mother, you'd think you were still Jewish.

Ended up staying the night and honestly, it wasn't too bad, just . . . uncomfortable. Her home, the one she shares with her partner, is a shrine to lesbianism. My eyes hurt simply looking at all the gay pride flags and memorabilia and trust me, seeing pictures of your mother lip-locked with her partner on the wall is unsettling but not shocking: Shock came first when I came across the Queer as Folk soundtrack CDs. Um, my mother and her partner are Deaf as in Monkey hear nothing or in other words, absolutely no sound deaf. Deaf deaf. I asked, Why? and that was a mistake because it opened the door for her to proselytize, a strange zeal and gleam manifesting when she explained the gay community, the oppressed, condemned, and marginalized group of outstanding (and wealthy and highly educated, she added) individuals they are, are forced to express their pride and healthy self-adjustment via the rainbow flag and All Things Gay.

I swam in the rainbow flag.

I felt odd driving her vehicle (brand new Maxima - such a beautiful vehicle) with its rainbow zigzag sticker on the front. I admit to investigating whether the sticker was removable before driving to the store in the rain.

Must also admit my mother is the happiest I've ever seen and her partner is damn likeable. And I also admit to feeling guilty when my mother says (often) I know you don't approve of my lifestyle though I hope you love me anyways.

This is a mental confuckdrum.

So I stayed over Friday night and today she hosted an early dinner party, asked if I would mind staying. I said yes (of course) and dined with 8 lesbians and a gay man and can I say AWKWARD? During the meal my mother mentioned that I'm a Christian and it was impolite open season along the lines of Religion is silly and Why is the church against us? but the shit got interesting when again my mother outed me and said, He's also a Republican. I don't know if this was my mother's attempt to maintain conversation or what but let me tell you, I think they would have registered less shock and horror had she stated I was a convicted rapist on parole and liked to prey on lesbians.

How does one maintain politeness when being attacked? I was impressed with myself for being calm and deflecting their criticisms with humor, smiling all the while. Why is it that if lesbians aren't sexually attracted to men, there's always a butch one and a lipstick one? Half the lesbians at the table probably have more chest hair than I do. And why is it gay men are fixated on youth? The gay guy repeatedly mentioned that despite being 46 he attracts bois in their mid- to late-20s and refuses to date anybody over the age of 35. Um, don't gay men get old too? I couldn't maintain conversation with him because I was disgusted.

And I was tempted to say, after my mother revealed my faith and political leanings, I'm gay too! but it would have been perceived as a joke. Heh. I like that.

:::::::::::::::::::::::

Catching up:

The concert was good - I'm not a huge James Taylor fan - and during his set it stormed and the thunder and lightning complemented the music. I became teary-eyed during Carolina in my mind, thought about Spec and our trip last summer. Since arriving I've thought about him and the things we did in DC, Virginia, all over the place. I'm feeling lonely, I guess.

Told Marti I like the guys and the surprise was only momentary.

I have two assistants, one the gay squirrely guy from last year, the other a nice-yet-insignificant woman from Edmonton.

I'm residing in a townhouse complex and my unit is broken into three floors; entrance on one, kitchen / living areas on the second, sleeping areas on the third. I have a pitched ceiling and many windows. I like falling asleep listening to the rain on the roof. Again, there's a creek behind me but I haven't explored it yet.

I begin teaching Monday and I'm looking forward to it. Must excel, must shine, must dazzle.

Did I mention already that I'm lonely? I don't feel half as brave as I did last year. I've decided I'll not do this again next year.

Things I haven't mentioned yet:

1) Ray.

2) The housemate.

3) Kelly, the woman downstairs.

 

previous - next

 

about me - read my profile! read other Diar
yLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get
 your own fun + free diary at DiaryLand.com!