5:38 a.m. - May 29, 2003
Just some early morning thoughts
A beautiful morning today. Left the sliding glass door open all night and the little breezes (little breezes dusk and shiver.... Tennyson?) and nightsounds were worth the momentary fear that someone was in my backyard. I did not get up to close the door, however, so I keep the point.
Past couple nights - about a week - I've been chatting online with a guy who wants to meet for lunch or coffee. I'm unsure how to best handle this because I want to meet him but feel more comfortable remaining at a distance still. He mentioned something last night about the Gay Time Table in which everything is compressed - meet (5 minutes in a bar, club, gym), copulate (once, more than once if it's good), bid fond farewells (permanent or number goes on the fuck buddy list) in the space of an hour. All this to give himself (?) props on taking the time to get to know someone first (I guess that'd be me, eh?). We've had some amazing conversations but like most online, there is safety in distance and I'm not interested - right now - in meeting him. I'm worried I'd (again) fuck things up (you people be quiet, you who are thinking unflattering things). At the same time, I'm aware of this compressed time and don't want to drive him away with my slowness to meet or act or play the great gay game.
Anyway, just some stuff on my mind as always.
Have a good one.
