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7:35 a.m. - November 26, 2003 Ryan II is sensitive and beautiful and sweet and makes me laugh, and I like kissing him, though I wonder if I've moved too fast. Late last night I heard him whisper boyfriend but unsure, I didn't respond. He's so young - he keeps Abercrombie & Fitch in business - and good looking, I don't see how or why he'd be attracted to me. Negative thoughts not allowed this morning, but still I wonder. No regrets. The more I do these things, the less they bother me from a physical standpoint, but I'm feeling more conflicted from an emotional and spiritual perspective. Last night I was giving him head and the cross I wear kept getting in the way so I took it off and I don't feel right about that. Is there such a thing as physical intimacy between two men that stops at holding hands and cuddling? Unlikely, I suppose.
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