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7:35 a.m. - November 26, 2003
A good night, a good morning of sorts
After spending yesterday afternoon and last night with Ryan II, I'm ready for him to get out of my bed and go home so I can get started on my day. Meanwhile, I like watching his shoulders and head; his lines flow head shoulder arm blanket with a slight eroticism and I'd like to lick the curve of skin between neck and shoulder.

Ryan II is sensitive and beautiful and sweet and makes me laugh, and I like kissing him, though I wonder if I've moved too fast. Late last night I heard him whisper boyfriend but unsure, I didn't respond. He's so young - he keeps Abercrombie & Fitch in business - and good looking, I don't see how or why he'd be attracted to me. Negative thoughts not allowed this morning, but still I wonder.

No regrets. The more I do these things, the less they bother me from a physical standpoint, but I'm feeling more conflicted from an emotional and spiritual perspective. Last night I was giving him head and the cross I wear kept getting in the way so I took it off and I don't feel right about that. Is there such a thing as physical intimacy between two men that stops at holding hands and cuddling?

Unlikely, I suppose.

 

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