7:44 a.m. - August 19, 2003
Do women talk about these kinds of intimate things with straight men, or is it something divulged with the resident queer only? Am I a "girlfriend" now or what? While I despise shopping now, is the handwriting on the wall and you see it but I don't?
She and A[deleted]a have known about Spec for a long time and I've noticed since then, they've both exposed me to what I'd consider girl-purview talk. I don't want to know about boyfriends' small dicks and premature ejaculation; I don't want to know what an ex-husband did or didn't do well; I don't want to know this stuff at all. Then again, I wonder if they just both happen to be open and would tell any guy what they shared with me and I shouldn't worry so much about the inconsequential. I'm not Sex in the City, I'm not a girlfriend, I'm not going on the prowl with women to pick up men.
I'm just a guy into hockey and baseball, remodeling projects, books, and working hard, and just happens to think about men. [editor's note: why not just say fantasize? There's nothing wrong with admitting that.] I don't want to be privy to girl-talk or cunnilingus skills or the latest conquest or the facts and myths of black men. I don't want to know anything other than you're bringing me dinner and will help me with my colors.
Ah, I just gave it away, didn't I? You suck dick a few times, explore the hole, and before you know it, you learn colors one by one. Perhaps the handwriting is on the wall but in a shade I haven't discerned yet?
Scary thought. An unhappy thought.
Working for a few hours today.