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2:56 p.m. - December 14, 2003
Rambling here-and-there
At church, walking to my customary seat (front row, left-of-center section) spotted a couple – two men – and damn it if my nascent, kvetchy gaydar didn’t sound and activate theirs as well. All three of us made eye contact and I just knew. This is gaydar, isn’t it? I chickened out and kept walking, didn’t stop to exchange greetings but I did smile (guiltily? With bravado?). I wonder how they felt in (my) church, wonder if we share the same outlook and perspective on reconciliation of faith and everything else that in my view, conspires to prevent a happy, no-questions-needed melding of two very distinct worldviews.

All this after 3 hours on the phone with Lorster wherein the theme of spiritual and temporal reconciliation over the gay issue held sway for most of the conversation. If I were braver and felt more comfortable sharing my faith, I’d say what these moments mean to me and their derivation but there is no need at this point other than for me to acknowledge I mentioned (repeatedly) that gay men and Christianity are a poor fit and woe is me, where would I ever find a gay Christian? They’re out there – likely with each other, damn it – but we’re not talking about unicorns in saguaro forests. Was nice to see.

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Lorster and I also talked about attending JournalCon. Is that pretentious, thinking I'm blog-savvy and topical-enough to think I qualify as a peer of blog luminaries? The image of my being viewed as an undeserving interloper, or a dodding great-uncle tolerated as comic relief, figures prominently. As I mentioned last night, it's just an idea I'm playing with, as is my transition (jump?) to a new domain and topic: A political blog.

Yes, that's right - another idea floating around. I'm undecided whether I'm running away from myself (as I tend to do well) or if I'm in a better (read: healthy) place and moving on makes sense. I suspect it is the former though I'm uncertain about its provenance and what to do about this writing tumor, as it were.

Disjointed today.

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I was in yesterday's newspaper. Half of me feels secure in posting the link here, half doesn't. This is half more than I've ever felt comfortable writing here. It was a flattering article and made me smile. One thing at a time, eh?

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Note to Lonely Gay Boy: Read mine and you'll see we're much alike. There is always hope. Just because I say there isn't doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

 

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