2:56 p.m. - December 14, 2003
Rambling here-and-there
At church, walking to my customary seat (front row, left-of-center section) spotted a couple � two men � and damn it if my nascent, kvetchy gaydar didn�t sound and activate theirs as well. All three of us made eye contact and I just knew. This is gaydar, isn�t it? I chickened out and kept walking, didn�t stop to exchange greetings but I did smile (guiltily? With bravado?). I wonder how they felt in (my) church, wonder if we share the same outlook and perspective on reconciliation of faith and everything else that in my view, conspires to prevent a happy, no-questions-needed melding of two very distinct worldviews.
All this after 3 hours on the phone with Lorster wherein the theme of spiritual and temporal reconciliation over the gay issue held sway for most of the conversation. If I were braver and felt more comfortable sharing my faith, I�d say what these moments mean to me and their derivation but there is no need at this point other than for me to acknowledge I mentioned (repeatedly) that gay men and Christianity are a poor fit and woe is me, where would I ever find a gay Christian? They�re out there � likely with each other, damn it � but we�re not talking about unicorns in saguaro forests. Was nice to see.
Lorster and I also talked about attending JournalCon. Is that pretentious, thinking I'm blog-savvy and topical-enough to think I qualify as a peer of blog luminaries? The image of my being viewed as an undeserving interloper, or a dodding great-uncle tolerated as comic relief, figures prominently. As I mentioned last night, it's just an idea I'm playing with, as is my transition (jump?) to a new domain and topic: A political blog.
Yes, that's right - another idea floating around. I'm undecided whether I'm running away from myself (as I tend to do well) or if I'm in a better (read: healthy) place and moving on makes sense. I suspect it is the former though I'm uncertain about its provenance and what to do about this writing tumor, as it were.
Disjointed today.
I was in yesterday's newspaper. Half of me feels secure in posting the link here, half doesn't. This is half more than I've ever felt comfortable writing here. It was a flattering article and made me smile. One thing at a time, eh?
Note to Lonely Gay Boy: Read mine and you'll see we're much alike. There is always hope. Just because I say there isn't doesn't mean it doesn't exist.
