7:04 p.m. - January 25, 2004
He may not be into books but he doesnít begrudge my book-time. He talks about buying a motorcycle, I talk about buying an Accord; he says heíll pick out my helmet. We both quote Harry Potter. Iím never at ease, he is thoroughly calm. These are not things to run from. He called earlier, says he doesnít like fighting and my cold barrier was up, I was aloof and frosty. He made me laugh and I couldnít hide behind antipathy. I am lucky he doesnít, either. His ire was fueled by the contrast of our situations Ė he wants so much for his parents to accept him and sees my (lesbian) mother as ideal and welcoming, yet I reject the coming-out-possibility.
I am neither foolish nor brave enough to assume or expect those with whom I interact will cross to my side of the great river and adjust to my norms. When two people are getting to know one another, how much give and take should be offered without becoming so accommodating that you lose your bearings?
How grateful should I be that someone isnít deterred by baggage?
He is en route for dinner and a sleepover. Pizza and salad. Iíve decided that tonight I will be intimate intimate. Little bit peace offering, little bit desire, large part I am not afraid of him.
Out of practice being romantic but it feels great.