8:25 p.m. - November 17, 2003
I don't give people much of a chance to know me at all. I think I'm afraid that if I show people who and how I am, that they'd be bored or uninterested, find me an unsatisfactory return on one's time. And that would be worse than being alone the way I am now, distant and detached. I don't want to be this way; I want to be engaged, to count. I don't know how to share, be open, connect with people. I always feel I catch glimpses through layers of gauze, like the blind men trying to describe an elephant: All are right, but the interpretation is wrong.