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9:40 p.m. - March 03, 2003 How these things build I don�t know. Self-congratulatory on pushing people away and derive the opposite of it�s intended effect. I push, I push, they go away and I�m the one who feels no relief. I feel disappointed. I�m sad tonight and there is much to read, much to study, much to write and my mind feels like a marshmallow hanging over the fire, nearing the flash point for becoming a gloopy mess, one that falls off the stick and is lost. Useless, in other words. Felt the good slipping away and that makes me sad.
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