7:27 p.m. - January 20, 2004
Ryan II cooks, cleans, and - (blush). That's for later.
Ryan II�s in my kitchen (still) cooking and my contribution (responsibility?) � salad � is done. Is it normal for people to inquire not merely topically but in-depth into previous relationships? I�m finding myself annoyed by his curiosity about Spec; I don�t ask people about their exes and I expect people to be the same towards me. And people never are, which makes me wonder it must be me.
He is more intelligent � more keen � than he lets on and is quick to spot my dodges. Perhaps that is more a comment on my dodges than his intelligence? He is in a talkative mood which suits me because I�m not, with the notable exception being, like now, when I am the focus of conversation.
It must be something about developing community, this exchange of coming out stories, first boyfriend stories, family and friends stories. In difference we seek similarities, isn�t that the quote? I suppose the same holds for hetero would-be couples and it is only my shame that makes me uncomfortable.
I feel for his parents who hope for many grandchildren from their four (gay) sons. I wonder what it�s like for a father to learn / realize / discover a son is gay. Is it a sense of failure somehow? Of having steered or influenced the boy wrongly? Guilt? Indifference? Multiply times four and it makes me � sad.
