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7:27 p.m. - January 20, 2004
Ryan II cooks, cleans, and - (blush). That's for later.
Ryan IIís in my kitchen (still) cooking and my contribution (responsibility?) Ė salad Ė is done. Is it normal for people to inquire not merely topically but in-depth into previous relationships? Iím finding myself annoyed by his curiosity about Spec; I donít ask people about their exes and I expect people to be the same towards me. And people never are, which makes me wonder it must be me.

He is more intelligent Ė more keen Ė than he lets on and is quick to spot my dodges. Perhaps that is more a comment on my dodges than his intelligence? He is in a talkative mood which suits me because Iím not, with the notable exception being, like now, when I am the focus of conversation.

It must be something about developing community, this exchange of coming out stories, first boyfriend stories, family and friends stories. In difference we seek similarities, isnít that the quote? I suppose the same holds for hetero would-be couples and it is only my shame that makes me uncomfortable.

I feel for his parents who hope for many grandchildren from their four (gay) sons. I wonder what itís like for a father to learn / realize / discover a son is gay. Is it a sense of failure somehow? Of having steered or influenced the boy wrongly? Guilt? Indifference? Multiply times four and it makes me Ė sad.

 

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