9:25 a.m. - November 03, 2003
The ground shakes under my feet
I say someday I�ll wake up and it is an earnest though empty artifice cum external action but last night thought about how maybe this is the life I�m to lead and to make the best of it. Maybe there is a reason to all of this, you know? And rather than hitting my head against the door because I�m frustrated or lonely or angry at myself for the most-current-imperfection, I should strive to find a way to make all of this work. My schema as demonstrated is failing, so it�s time for a new one?
Subtitle
A game called Defiance
Objective: To avoid built-in routines stipulating responses to bad thoughts or feelings. To get outside more, to interact with more people, to re-create The Old Jason.
I�ve added a �What I did today� field at the left as a means of monitoring self-accountability. Why stew when I can walk, after all?
Today�s doing: Tonight at the group, I will be the first to speak.
Tomorrow�s doing: Tomorrow morning I will leave early enough to browse the outdoor market before my assignment begins. I�ve wanted to do that for over a year. It�s time, eh?
Caution to self: Nobody accomplishes a marathon without warming up first.
This is stupid, I�m telling myself. Laughable. An implausible attempt. Attempt at what? I don�t know. Look, I kick myself down when I�m already down. This is called defiance for a reason.
Must go.
