5:41 p.m. - December 15, 2002
I have music in my head but not on CDs mailed to you
A couple weeks ago the principal from the school where I taught called and invited me to return for Spring semester, unencumbered by committee duties unless I chose to participate. I've been thinking over his offer and I've decided against returning to my classroom. Tomorrow I will write a formal letter thanking him but declining his offer.
Yes, I miss teaching, the thrill of the classroom, the pleasure of watching students learn. Of all things, I even miss IEP meetings and advocating for students and being a thorn in the ass of the LTA and other admins who should be doing their job but don't, giving me the opportunity to play Vigilante Educator: Defender of the Downtrodden. I miss it all, the angst and interception of notes, the laughter and camaraderie between students, their groans about my Our-classroom-is-a-boat-and-we-all-float-together-or-we-all-sink-together metaphors that silly as they are, worked. I could re-integrate with ease and lose myself in the squall and a year later look back and think How fast.
I don't want to be in the same position I was last year with school, work, the book, each competing for resources and me feeling the pinch. The truth is, I'm worried I wouldn't handle things well.
But still. The pull of responsibility weighs heavy but I also have a vested interest in myself. I will not feel guilty.
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I think the storms have passed and what a beautiful weekend it was.
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Mother and brother are still here. Not for long, however. It's off to the airport in a little while.
I've had enough of entertaining.
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P.S. All those to whom I promised a Christmas CD, I rescind my offer. I've looked for the CD for over a week and it is nowhere to be found and the files deleted from the computer. If the disc is discovered within mail-and-delivery-by-Christmas parameters, they will be off. If not, I abjure everything henceforth.
Times like this that I am displeased with myself but tonight I'm giving myself latitude.
