8:35 a.m. - December 06, 2003
He wants the anal prize and that's not on the menu. Now I have hangups that would turn off most gay guys and soon after that conversation I sent him home. I feel guilty about this, as if he expects or I expect to deliver an anal thank you because he's interested in me - short fat ugly - and strive to keep him satisfied so he doesn't lose interest. I'm angered to feel slightly guilty, to be told I have hangups - he might as well have added before which gay men flee - and be pushed - encouraged? - to make someone happy at the expense of myself. I don't do that. If there's one thing I learned from Spec, it's to hold fast to the word no.