11:46 a.m. - April 08, 2002
Is this really me?
Ask me a month from now if I regret what has been done.
Aside from this house, I'm free. 100%. I am no longer a teacher as of 10 a.m. today.
I have enough banked to tide me for several months. I am not in debt except for the mortgage. I have rented out a room and will morph into landlordism in a few days. I am 26 and I can breathe and the sensation, while making me uneasy, is pleasant and is what I think of when I read about chewing betel leaves.
I've let go and I haven't fallen! It's not supposed to be this way, is it? I don't feel stressed or pathetic or guilty for walking away but instead I feel relief and I can't get enough of it.
What I want done are the textbooks. I've been hiding from my editor these past few weeks because I don't want to tell her how little progress I've made since December but I feel the electricity kicking in and yesterday dusted off the materials and now I'm ready again to tackle and finish.
Heh. Stray thought: Maybe I'm delusional. Or crazy. Or on a high and the downer will hit in a few hours. But I was already rock bottom and there's no place to go but up and damn it feels good.
