10:49 a.m. - August 28, 2002
I'm calm on the downward slide
Let's face it, I'm not moving.
That makes me sad, because I realize how far I have to go before I can take leaps and trust the ground will not liquify beneath my feet when I land.
All the diplomas and certificates and awards and books and knowing people have confidence in me doesn't make a dent when it comes to trusting in myself.
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Today I am scheduled to write the keynote address to the teacher's association in Florida.
I haven't a clue about how to do this.
I feel like a fraud.
The only resistance to searching Yahoo! for examples of keynote addresses and a How To guide is my own shame.
How often do I say I'm scared? Too often, I know.
I'm not afraid of the speech itself; when the moment comes for me to stand and walk to the podium, my enemy Perfection takes over and it will be an excellent speech and I will impress and I will make the audience laugh and ponder and think Holy Shit This Guy Is Good but I have to prepare beforehand and the inertia reminds me of a fly snared in cobwebs or an infant in swaddling seeking to raise his arms despite the binding because he has yet to realize the futility of it all.
