9:15 p.m. - September 12, 2002
It's a thinker thing
The next time I gripe about being the universe's pit toilet I'll remember the woman I worked with today, both blind and deaf and simply an amazing woman. It's easy for those without (severe? noticeable? life-altering? disabling? handicapping?) challenges to view coping as worthy of a compliment parade but sincerely, this woman made me think. Be glad, be very glad you're you.
My limited experience with the deaf-blind is limited to interpreting church services for a woman when her daughter wants a morning off or is out of town, and is called "close vision" interpreting meaning I sit close to her and copy what's being signed by others because she can see up close. Today was my first stone-deaf, bat-blind experience with the head of California's telecommunications advisory council and she spun my head in circles. She has the softest, lightest hands and when I began told me hands reveal more personality than people realize and that I am a hard worker and gentle and oh, by the way, could I fingerspell faster because she's used to much, much faster. (You try fingerspelling mutual-intelligible data voice stream systems in two seconds and you'll realize what I was doing.)
This lady was on top of things and I wonder if I'm giving her as many props as I am because I've always assumed deaf-blind individuals to be slower, needing more time to acclimate, understand what's going on. Maybe it's so, but I was also there and saw how she handled fifty representatives from interest groups and the state lieutenant governor and chaired the meeting with 15 others talking in gobbedly-gook and I don't think I could have lasted ten minutes. And I fingerspelled every single word to her and she knew the rest of the letters to come after maybe only two or three. It makes you think, it really does.
During a break she whipped out her purse and got out her braille handheld assistant, wrote a braille check and keyed out notes onto a braille notepad, all the while carrying on conversations with the board. And here I am, complaining about having writer's block and a general anomie and this woman is active and electrically charged! Despite my arms feeling ready to detatch themselves, I didn't pity this woman or myself at all, until she told me about taking a taxi from the airport and two drivers refused to allow her seeing eye dog into the vehicle.
It's all about perceptions.
Days like this, I wouldn't give up my job for anything.
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Been thinking about yesterday's session and I'm going to cooperate. I haven't been; what I realized is that I can trust her and that there is no shame in seeking assistance from others. I am to continue the task of telling people. I am to engage others. I am to allow others to engage me. I am to submit facts to balance self-criticism. I am to allow people in.
Every day I am to combat three things.
I'm posting a photo of me here. It's a trust thing. It's an I'm not ugly thing. May not be your dream, but I am not ugly. The photo is from my driver's license; sorry about the scratch and dinginess.
Will write more.
