7:15 p.m. - October 16, 2002
So today I didn't do much
Today:
(1) Two job invitations in Salt Lake City, one more appealing than the other at initial glance yet both worthy of the application process. Qualms about entering the queen's lair in the beehive, but Mal assures me I'd fit in, more or less. The more because I'm uptight and so is the air there; the less because I fret about things I don't need to worry about.
(2) My mother sends letter stating plans to visit for my birthday and requests pleasantness, meaning I comply with her plans to take me out to dinner and a play in the city. Simple enough yet appearances and reality differ: I suspect she seeks to fawn, given yesterday's email in which she recounted meeting an old college chum who brought up the subject of my books and mom subsequently reminded me that I should be grateful she taught me the language in the first place. I didn't realize she had a choice but diggity damn I'm glad she didn't lock me in a closet and keep me a feral child.
(3) Decent session with the counselor in which I ruminated on boundary issues (they are clear: You stay the fuck away.) and trust. Bubbliness aside, I'm having trouble sleeping again; I've taken this week off; I'm not reading; I'm not writing much; I'm worried.
(4) To keep myself entertained I'm watching TV. Three's Company and any cartoon I can catch. It's alarming.
(5) And for dinner, I had salad.
(6) Yeah, I'm unhappy, as usual. This time is different in a bad way.
