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4:34 p.m. - February 27, 2004
Language evaluation, neurological processing, cognition-based teaching strategies, gender influences on language learning, language assessment, brain physiology, horrid Chinese food for lunch. Day 1 of 2 done. I am on, and on well, when I am at my worst and today I blazed. Reminded again of old pledge to self: Look (dress) older, but how, short of a full-on suit and tie? Dockers and button-downs don't do enough.

Tomorrow, 9:00 a.m. for Day 2. Language dynamics, heavy theory and application. Group work, pair work, solo exercises.

I make people laugh, elicit conversation, debate, great participation. They compliment me, challenge sometimes - like today's 50+ woman who referred to functional-notional as the best method out there when uh... that disappeared in the 80s for good reason - because I walk a fine line between Mr. Know It All and You're Paid A Lot of Money To Teach So Teach Us Well.

Most of the times, teaching people makes me less lonely inside. I can look around and say, see! I'm doing something well, I am part of a dyad triad quad, I belong, I am not alone. And yet it seems thoroughly futile, like locking a screen door. I am training in Dallas next weekend and don't want to do this again; I'm feeling - something. It's not good and kicking myself in the ass and presenting well has failed its usual, its expected outcome: A boost.


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