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9:05 a.m. - March 18, 2004
Don't look for an acrostic
Not very original; I'm killing time. Nobody to credit.

A is for absolute.
Youíre with me or against; there is no gray area.

B is for boring. So boring that my keychain is merely a round ring with keys. No personality.

C is for cock. My nose smashed against pubes = heaven.

D is for Daniel Boone. He was a hero during my I-have-a-hero-from-American-history phase.

E is for Everybody Out of the Pool. I dislike swimming with strangers. Canít trust them not to pee.

F is for foolish. I do dumb things like walk into doors with distressing regularity.

G is for gay. If I wasnít me, Iíd be a twink. The horror.

H is for home improvement overestimation. My bathroom project is still on hiatus.

I is for impatient. I canít stand dumb people but theyíre too entertaining to give up.

J is for Jehovahís Witnesses. I like reading their magazines and asking why they keep changing the date for Armageddon.

K is for killjoy. A conversation with me quickly veers to the serious, the mundane, the search for an exit.

L is for life insurance. Everybody should have it.

M is for misanthrope. I donít want to be one but this condition may be like Michael Jackson denying he wants to be white: Everybody knows he is.

N is for noisome. Itís a favorite word.

O is for opera. Strong aversion. Does this mean Iím uncultured?

P is for post-traumatic stress disorder. Everybodyís traumatized, everybodyís diagnosed with something. Calling Ricki Lake.

Q is for quibble. Iím fascinated by the things people fight over, that loss of self-control when passions and old hurts fly. Iíd like to let loose like that.

R is for residue. Soap scum is particularly noxious to me.

S is for Save My Own Skin. Iíd like to think I possess noble, self-sacrificial traits, but I cover my ass first.

T is for touch. Of all the things I want, this is first on the list. To touch and be touched, and not worry, just enjoy.

U is for uptight. Thatís a given.

V is for VW Bug. Have never ridden in one, either the classic or contemporary models.

W is for When I Grow Up, I want to try skydiving.

X is for Xanthippe. Go look it up.

Y is for Youíre A Nice Guy, Jason. Just like Charlie Brown, and look how heís turned out.

Z is for zit. Why is it in gay porn they donít cover up zits on a guyís ass? I fixate on these things and find my viewing pleasure substantially hampered.


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