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11:54 a.m. - March 28, 2004
My bright idea of flying down to San Diego Friday night, present all day Saturday, and then fly back up afterwards was plain dumb. But I'm home and made it to church this morning last-minute - last minute because half an hour before start time I hadn't decided whether to attend or not, much less showered or dressed. Ran into a former student at church, Mia - and though I was never fond of her princess attitude, it was good to see her and catch up. I feel like an icky old man because damn, her boyfriend was cute.

Uh, yeah.

Moving on: Going out to lunch with A[deleted]a in a couple minutes.

You know what I find myself liking more and more? When people come up to me - specifically referring to church, here - and ask where I've been, how are things, when will the book be out. I can goof around with Dane, have earnest discussions over using the word shit in church with Kim, and look around to see people I've known for years. Before, I felt uncomfortable forging relationships with (numerous) people but I'm getting the hang of it, at least this week. Nothing bad happens when people get to know me; it is a concept I've never trusted before and which now seems pleasurable if not absolutely necessary. Maybe, if my teens were about quiet rebellion and sneaking girls into my room, and my 20s about adjustment and discovery (I don't like the way that sounds), perhaps my 30s (quickly approaching) will be about finding comfort. I'd like that. I'd like friends with whom I'm open and feel safe with them knowing the real Jason. I'd like that very much.


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