6:36 a.m. - April 16, 2004
Is Andrew still master of the reins? Aside from sending an oops-did-you-realize email, I'll have to sit tight. That, and think more about moving to my own domain.
I realize I struggle to say no to people - men only? Dinner with Ryan II became dinner, a movie (what else?), a sleepover. I didn't mind having a warm body next to mine during the night and I note I like him best when he sleeps and I'm watching. Last night we meandered around the topic of Jason + Relationships, how I prevent the opportunity to take dating further, how I shut him off, how I don't communicate. Times like this my tongue is stone and I can only look at him through glaucoma eyes. I can't give him what he wants, or be who he wants me to be: How can I trust someone else when I don't even trust myself?
Yesterday afternoon I mentioned to a colleague that I am gay and am dating a man. The coming out process begins.