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12:14 p.m. - April 20, 2004
Late night telephone calls, people hiding in the shadows: Foreign nationals beware
Just found out that I have to note all foreign nationals with whom I've conversed since my last background check. In previous years it was simply those nationals from a list of countries; now it's everybody who isn't an American. Er, citizen of the United States (apologies to Lorster). The list isn't substantial but come on here - I'm a grain of salt in this national security sea of ours. I wonder what would happen if I declined to go through the check again - would they anyways, just to see if I was hiding something? I value my Mondays so will submit (I do well at that). Besides, I wonder if they really check because nobody's ever said anything about it. Or maybe people on my list are warned not to? Now there's a thought for you.


Questions from Letaboo:

1-3) Did you come out to your ex-gf? If not, what reason did you give for breaking up? Was it truthful?

No, I haven't come out to my ex-girlfriend (Dana). I took the cowardly route of breaking up via an engineered downturn as opposed to honest fiat. Dana was well aware there was something going on with me - I wasn't happy, I was pulling away - but did not suspect (or say, rather) anything about somebody else. That is why I didn't tell her and won't, until I feel more comfortable about what I did: She trusted me wholly and I broke up with her to salve my own conscience and see what would happen with Spec.

I stopped going to her house after work, made excuses why I didn't want to hang out; we argued over trivial matters as well as the big marriage questions and I pulled the defense of being rushed. Eh. That's bullshit. What I really did was put it all on her: When asked why I said I couldn't handle a relationship because I was depressed and unhappy and she hadn't been supportive. There was truth to the overall picture, but not the details - I was depressed and unhappy because of my actions with Spec, not her. I'd like to say I'll tell her all this one day but I'm afraid to. Occasionally I think about trying again and I'm not sure what to make of that.


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