9:32 a.m. - October 17, 2004
Recap and don't be late
Had a date last night; dinner and a movie. Pleasant guy though not an inspired conversationalist bt one cannot have everything. Given that he is 6'5, in excellent shape, has good teeth, and a moderately hairy chest, I am willing to be patient for enthralling conversation. Deliberated what kind of signal I would send were I to place my hand on his leg - would he welcome that? move away? be offended? think bad of me? - but I did anyways and asked if that was okay. He turned to me and smiled and so it was. Nice thigh muscles! I touched him all over, hesitant at first, but emboldened as I played with his equipment, and I put my hand into his pocket to play some more.
After the movie and we were standing outside the Jeep he quickly moved to kiss me and I jumped back and that careful I'm-in-control facade crumbled. Hands shook, I stuttered while trying to laugh it off and explain he had surprised me and please, if you do that next time, warn me first. Justifiably he looked at me as if I were a freak.
I felt like one. The slightest things throw off my equilibrium and I haven't learned yet how to recover quickly and play it off well.
He let me tug on his nipple rings though, but that was the end of that confluence of wanting to touch and be touched, and being on a date with someone who thinks I'm cute.
I'm going to be late to church.
