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10:04 a.m. - March 02, 2005
All over the map
Drinking hot chocolate with a weak cacao- strong milk ratio, a slight disappointment with an unsatisfactory aftertaste.

I feel like there's an arm wedged in my throat snaking its way to my gullet. I don't know what that means but that is the image in my head, discordant and too loud. Too loud? Yes, too loud and that too I don't understand - sound is a component of a silent image?

Dear diary - how loathe am I to sink my teeth into cardboardphrases - I don't understand what's going on over these past few days. Terrible dreams, avoiding sleep, eating like a disgusting fathognasty. Where is the control, the boundaries? A crazyinstinct of some sort has taken over, putting my mind on hold. Does that make sense? I'm really scared - maybe this is like me, but I've always hid it, or so I thought. I am just tired, want a good sleep and tonight's flight to Virginia may be what I need - but I worry, what if I talk in my sleep on the plane? Oh, that would be awful. End Diary.

Mostly prepared for the training: Powerpoint complete, handouts prepared for the copier, new doohickey with extended range so I can walk around, clothes are packed.

It's the subtext I want to engage, grapple with: Why am I feeling like this (anxiety? something else?), what triggered it, why manifesting these traits? Why, at all?

I am in control, damn it.

So the High Court says no to juvenile executions, split 5-4 along traditional acrimony. Now that we're as civilized as the rest of the industrialized world, I suppose kids will cease anti-social activities and we will have moved one step closer to the mythical xanadu.

But let me get this straight:

- A parent is fully responsible for a minor until said minor reaches age 18.
- Until age 18, the socio-cognitive-emotional filters of right and wrong are in flux, so minors cannot be held responsible for their actions.
- Minors have the right to selfhood in most states, meaning by the age of 16 (15 in some) they are considered capable of making decisions that directly affect the minor, whether it's engaging in sexual intercourse, managing reproductive health, obtaining employment, or suing for emancipation from the legal guardian.
- Minors enjoy the privileges of adult autonomy while not yet having reached the age of majority.
- Conclusion: Something is awry.
- Solution: Lower the age of majority to 16 and fry the kids who deserve it.
- Better solution: Deport those kids who deserve it to Canada, Western Europe, and Japan so these countries can get a taste of the reasons why the death penalty for minors was a bitter, but palatable, last resort.


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