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2:42 p.m. - September 04, 2005
Church picnics and Jason: Not like oil and water
Went to the church picnic after services this morning, and I'm glad I did. I feel so very good about myself right now that I wonder two things: First, is this how life is supposed to be, meaning full of laughter and chitchat with strangers and making new friends; and secondly, what if I am indeed in a manic phase of some sort that precipitates a low equal or worse to what I am calling this momentary high of feeling good? People asked if I was going and I'd say no, mentioned having errands to do - the usual spiel. It wasn't until I was exiting the church lot and had to go left (home) or right (picnic) that I decided to go, and turns out I had a wonderful time. I socialized, and I don't mean in my traditional sense of the word, chatting with just my coterie of safe people; instead I approached people and people approached me. I mingled. I never mingle, I introduced myself, chit-chatted with a range of people. In the process I clicked with a young couple with a daughter who live only 6 blocks from me, she a teacher and he a software engineer who moved to the area about a month ago. For someone who connects with people rarely enough that when I do the event is noted with pleasure and astonishment, meeting and hugging - yes, I even hugged them when I left! - and having a great time is otherworldly. Feeling like this doesn't happen often in my little world and damnit, I like it.

Ha. I'm proud of myself.

In comparing before and now, I think I've been depressed for a very long time. An overused, overdiagnosed malady, but whatever it is, I've been down for too long.


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