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10:42 p.m. - September 18, 2005
Just in from too many beers with the man I'll call A3. 6'4, blue eyes, sexy goatee, and he thinks I'm cute. He had 2 beers to my 1 so that surely affected his judgment but what the hell, I'm feeling great, more than a little buzzed, and in the mood to be considered cute. Beer = bold. I told him he had a cute ass and wanted to lick it. Where the hell that came from, I don't know, other than that repository called Truth. Hugged and I wanted more, so kept grabbing him to hug more, and he kissed me on the cheek twice, oh how I wanted to kiss him full on, and he just called. Said he thought planting one on me would have made me uncomfortable. True, yes, but didn't he feel my bone against his leg each time we hugged? I was, am? I don't know, a dog in heat. It has been too long since I've been excited this way for a guy. I like them tall, I do, and shit my head is woozy a little, I'm glad I only had to drive a few blocks. So what if he has stalker tendencies like mapquesting my address and calling me up, saying open your door and there e he is waving. I laughed and he laughed and we went out though for the first one and a half beers I was uncomfortable, a little closed off and shy. How to communicate to him that I hav ealways been attracted to him, but less-than-beautiful guys like me hav eto hold our tongues and await grace. Well fuck, I think my grace boat sailed intoport tonight and I hope, but who said not to trust a hope? Please let it be some erudite scholar and not a movie quote. I'm feeling base enough as it is to have panted, to be panting, over A3. I feel like a foreign species when I interact with gay men, like I'm the exotic ape or lizard pretty gay men look at in the zoo, complete with the card next to my window saying something like Jason, an odd variety of homouptight. His dumpy stomach and flat ass set him apart from the sculpted homo variety, as does his unmanicured fingernails and cheap ten dollar haircuts. Saving grace is a cock bigger and thicker than most. that doesn't even make sense except for the cock part. I'm feeling rather buzzed, did I already say that? See, being with Spec all tha time warped my sense of size. EVerything is smaller when compared to nine inches, but mine was always thicker than his. Maybe cameron the guy from boston that i shamefully hook up with in a base way, is right, that being stretched is better than being poked deep in teh gut. I don't know, i've neverfucked cameron but i sure would like to top A3. He's that versatile type, bugt what am I talking about, I'm trying to be celibate and avoid sex. Sigh. I thin ki'm drunker than Ir ealize. This is fun but I have to beup hearly togo to the damn oracle convention in the city. 6:42 train to SF can you belive that? Well shit that's why i get paid so much because i'm in a service industry where demand outstrips supply by 10 to 1 or some figure like that. I'm cool with it all the more since the agency raised the travel rates. Waht the halel am I talking about? I awas just thinking about A3 on his back on the bar and fucking him. Hey, i thought iw as the bottom. Well not really, just was with spec except for those times I fcuedk him but we could never talk about that cuz he has to be 100 percent man all the time. At least a3 is cute and smart, so articulate and open, how much that appeals. He can talk on and on though, and didn't aprpeciate my tangents or non sequiturs, did I spell tha tright? But like I say, if you're gonna have a conversation with me b preared for it to go everywhere like piss coming from a 4 month old. Say what? I never say that. Finally met a3 after talking toh im forever and a day. What perfect teeth, shiny and with good gums, these are important to me. And tall, nice thick arms. Oh I want to see him in a tank top. My inner me just licked my lips. See, I don't get this. I even asked him, betraying that insidious insecurity of mine, what could HE possibly seein ME and of cours eh had to be honest and say tha twhile i don't look like a model he finds pletny abou tme attractive. I would commend him on his onesty except that I don't look like a model. He said he likes my voice, is glad it's not typically gay. But I am gay, i'm as queer as oz is ha because when i see a man i like, I like what I see. Oh damn I am drunk, how did I even drive home? Very carefully I might add, wouldn't want to have to walk a straight line tonight. Shit i don't walk a straight nothing any more. A3's last boyfriend was a cop. And I' m laying here wishing his next is me? FAT CHANCE, emphasis on the fat ugly bad dresser bad hair hater-of-musicals non-gay gay me. aA3 is 35, a little older than the guys I normally hang with. Hang? You mean go to movies with and sometimes kiss, sometimes give head to. ONly drawback is that he's settled, and I'm crazy. My ehad is speinning and I'm laughing inside and outside, a good sounds, a great way to go to bed. I didn't brush my teth but i dont' think they'll fall ou t over night. I am sitll in my clothes. Must go now. I am tire dand i drakno too much tonight. Fun. I am havin gfun.


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