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6:40 a.m. - November 15, 2005
When emotions enter the picture, I dive into work
I am exhausted.

Returned from Washington, D.C. Sunday night. Flew to Los Angeles Monday morning. Return Wednesday night. Leave for Baltimore Thursday morning. Conference for 4 days, then Thanksgiving with my mother and siblings, home on Saturday.

I have not cleaned my bathrooms in more than a month.

I have not opened bithday cards.

Dust bunnies have congealed into a dust carpet throughout the house, disturbed only by the tracks left by my wheelie.

I haven't had the time to watch the leaves fall or climb the hill to my secret spot and be whipped by the wind, haven't had time to return phone calls or emails, haven't had time - aha! this is the reason - to deal with A3 and that disappointment.

There is a knot in the pattern.

I could cancel the Baltimore conference, bail on Thanksgiving (oh, would the siblings be ticked: I cajoled because my mom begged me to help her convince them to come, sweetening the offer with upgraded tickets, and they each assented.), stay home and rest, walk, clean. Weigh disappointment against indulgence? Weigh disappointment against health? Weigh disappointment against exhaustion? Am I really exhausted or simply tired? Ah, I whine before 7:00 a.m.

And I can truly say I have seen the worst in education: Los Angeles schoolteachers are instructional zombies.

Or maybe they're just exhausted?


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