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10:38 p.m. - January 22, 2006
I cried in the airport bathroom, that is what I will remember of this weekend. That, and nothing more.

Meeting Joel in Dallas was a disaster that has taught me an important lesson: Friendship and opening up to people is a flawed enterprise when insincerity is the mortar cementing two people together.

I've known Joel for nearly five years and considered him my best friend. As these things go, I was sorely mistaken.

There is nothing more to say.

I am angry and hurt and feel my defenses propelling me into that familiar place of being remote from people to avoid getting hurt. Such a waste after all the ground I've covered in this time.

In the end, I am always the throwawayboy. It is dangerous to forget my place.


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