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10:19 p.m. - June 06, 2008
We're friends, right? We talk about nothing really, just random shit. And he feels the need to share with me the string of hookups he's had to make up for lost time. Had one tonight. Two more lined up this weekend.

I'm jealous and it HURTS. This is the rest of my life, isn't it? A cycle - man attracted to men. Man is sexually defunct. Can't pass the sex test to get to know someone quickly. Man tries and exhausts the patience of men before some mythical safety zone is achieved. Man and men are friends. Man cries under his blanket.

The rest of my life. It's so easy for people to get laid. Ugly guys get laid. Beautiful people get laid. And I can't bear to be touched. Yet I want that more than anything else.

And can't have it. Don't have it. Won't have it.

I feel stupid and childish for crying. But I feel a little less sad now.


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