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8:06 p.m. - October 19, 2008
A few days ago I was on the phone with Shannon, enjoying another of our rambling conversations that, despite the pleasure I take in them, can never fully replace the times we'd sit in my car after work and talk, or spending time together talking about books and places amid the wild antics of Desi-the-dog. A different time and place, before divorce and remarriage and a child and - well, not much has changed on my end, but I laugh more often and more easily now, and try to show people how much they mean to me now, so perhaps things have changed after all. We had been talking about protective parents and the unprotective kind, about kidnappings and the worries parents have when a not-yet-two-year-old-toddler is in their lives, when she said you never know who will hurt a kid, just like what happened to you, and went on to make her point. It took a moment to register what she had said and it threw me off just a bit, just for a moment, and then it was gone. My reaction was a non-reaction, no feeling of shame or embarrassment or, most importantly, no feeling of violation, of catching me off guard. A simple statement, like saying I have curly brown hair. And that's all.

I may prefer big events heralding and demonstrating change, like fireworks at night, but one does well to pay attention to the small details. I am in a different place.

Feels good.


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