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5:08 p.m. - May 16, 2010
Breathe deep

My last night in Banff, and the blue skies and warm sun have given way to clouds and wind that howls down the chimney and whips across my face. How perfect, because I had it all this week - sun, blooming wildflowers, crystal clear nights for stargazing, and now even my favorite time of the year, when fall has broken summer's grip. I will miss this lodge with its private hot tub on the deck overlooking the valley and town below and snowy mountaintops surrounding it all, and will miss more the luxury of getting away from everything.

I don't feel recharged though, and I am worried. If days and days in paradise can't do it, what then?

Long walks along the riverbanks. Visiting a string of turquoise lakes, some frozen over some not. Driving to the very tops of mountains and falling into snow. Brilliant sunsets and shooting stars. Ambles up mountainsides to meadows and lay amid wildflowers. Waterfalls and canyons and everywhere, blue skies and peaceful clouds.

Marred only once, maybe twice, the first when I thought how special it would be to share this trip with someone, the second when I thought that either I get past this loneliness hurdle or next time, hire company. I scoff, because at least I've found a new low deeper than the plane I'm on now.

And in the meantime, I sit on my deck looking at the mountains and the trees swaying, and hope none of the birds flying overhead shit on me and this new computer, because unfortunately Murphy and I are close like that.


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