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11:11 a.m. - September 24, 2003
It's been a long time, but I recall the sting! of the snap
Last night Spec told me he bought something for me to wear this weekend, something that will turn him on. You can imagine the freakish paraphernalia running through my mind, though he promised it neither involves leather apparatus or anything painful (gee, thanks for reassuring me, Spec), and he mentioned he'd like for me to get something for him. [editor's note: Insert clip of Gary Coleman as Arnold saying What you talking about, Willis? and never mind the image of Gary Coleman, candidate for Governor of California.] I'm not about to survey the lone adult store we have in my suburb, and neither am I to mount a mission to explore what San Francisco may offer because presuming I made it past the door, I worry I wouldn't know what half the things are for and worry that I would know the other half, and what if a clerk came my way and asked if I needed help? Quite likely my vocal apparatus would freeze and I'd have to point and then everybody would know. [editor's note: as an aside, I'll admit I have been inside a {gay} sex shop in San Francisco. This was in 1995 or 1996, when I was home for a weekend and - will finish some other time. The second time was with Spec in Washington, D.C. last summer]

So this morning I thought and purchased an item I'm wondering makes me questionable. Is this the beginning sign of a fetish or something? What if Spec (a) doesn't like it; (b) laughs; (c) thinks I'm weird? And I was unsure about the right size so then considered buying more than one but that would be more odd, right? I decided on one, put it in my basket, and then threw in $30 worth of socks to cover it up.

I'm such a dork, you know? I worry too much about everything.

I bought Spec a black jockstrap. I know - weird. Seeing him in one would turn me on and I don't know what to make of that but I don't care. Damn it, why am I blushing?

The true test is now: Do I private this one, or let all you folks know I'm - _______. Fill in the blank yourself.


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