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4:10 p.m. - February 13, 2003
Bush, Spec, oil, all in a good day's work
Spec is in town and he's left three messages on my machine and came here while I was away. I don't know what to do and maybe if I repeat the phrase like a mantra I'll chance upon a solution or wake up and find that a week has passed. I'm worried and a bit scared, in the little-boy sense and it strikes me as ridiculous. I'm ridiculous.

I read somewhere once that love is accepting a person for who s/he is and for who s/he is not and I've been thinking about that today. Maybe I'm selfish and unobservant, but I do think Spec loves me but not the way he thinks he does. I don't know how to get him to understand that and as I write this I'm thinking it's not my responsibility or problem - and I feel cold, surprised at my ambivalence. Yeah, what ambivalence? I'm fronting. But if I see him, I will be cold and drive him away; it's one skill I have. I don't want to think about this any longer.


I read Bush's speech to a group of business owners in Florida and I'm appalled. I can forgive his not-quite-bright ways, his mispronouncements, his worship of Reaganomics. But deficit spending is something else, especially deficits caused by an unnecessary tax break that in theory yes, would assist the economy years down the road, not in the immediate future. Bush is a one-termer, I'll concede. We're living in historic times - not that you get it, because most people don't - and what's unfolding now will likely influence global politics for years to come. France and Germany's recalcitrance over NATO support for Bush's Iraq goals isn't as shocking as the media wants it to seem; France has a huge stake in deals already signed and in effect over Iraqi oil, and Germany fears a Muslim backlash and rightly so, given its large Muslim population. But this recalcitrance

oh, guess who's here.

I'll write more later.


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