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12:45 p.m. - August 26, 2003
On Costco and Homeland Security
I despise Costco though am appreciative of its bounty, especially Tide detergent in the 180-load boxes that turn into 200+ in my hands and the Odwalla tangerine juice for $4.99 instead of the $7.88 at my local Safeway. You know why I despise Costco? It isn't because of the crowds (as long as I have a mission, I'm okay) or distracted shoppers who abandon their cart in my way or those hawkers of sodium and shit-that's-bad-for-you. What bothers, disgruntles, disgusts me, are those Polish sausage hotdog and extra-extra-large size Gulp-O-Bladder sodas. I don't know why. Next time you're in Costco, look at the eyes of those who are chomping down and tell me if you're not disturbed. There's something about the centrality of purpose manifesting itself inside a Costco box that inspires me towards Unibomberism or a more latent desire to disappoint these minions upon learning there's no more sausage for them. Perhaps it's more I'm a misanthrope and don't want people to find pleasure in the things they enjoy? Ah, perhaps so. But must pleasure be a Costco hotdog? American society: Love it or bomb it, that seems to be the slogan. Understandable at times, eh?

[Note to the Department of Homeland Security: I'm a loyal Republican and damn do I love this country so much I'd like to send half of my compatriots somewhere else to spread the gospel. Don't prosecute me.]


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