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10:37 p.m. - October 05, 2003
Don't ask of others, ever
I'm afraid to go to sleep tonight. It is a prickly, jumpy unease, the central query, Do I open the doors to check whether somebody's there?

Note to self: Interactions with online personages just as problematic as those in vivo. To mutter back off is to inquire, you or me, to shrug, to speak malapropisms disguised as coldness, a step too liberally taken, a choked gorge. When shot down, I implode.

I am supposed to draw out that which roils, times like this. To write, to speak into a recorder, to censure the censor and disregard worries about standards and expectations, grammaticality and concise turns of phrases, let out, give egress and I'm pushing in my head, perhaps slapping my head would be more effective.

It is not yet 10:45 p.m. It will be a long night.


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