11:57 a.m. - November 13, 2003
If I'm me and bothered (distressed?) by specific features of me, is it a worthwhile endeavor to try to change those features or is it a matter of coming to terms with those features and adapting as needed? I'm not in therapy because I'm shy or depressed or concerned about anomie and this moment, I'm unsure why I'm going at all. Is it to get over my sexual intimacy issues, the obsessive issues, the self-esteem? Does everybody have to be sexually expressive? What if issues are manifesting themselves because I'm forcing them to act contrary to inclination? Who cares and so what if I have idiosyncracies or worrisome thoughts - let's face it, compared to many I have my shit together [editor's note: Okay, even I laughed at that one]. I'm telling myself it's okay to be a loner, work hard, save my pennies and read. Maybe that's what me is supposed to do. Three words: Get over it - but what if prerequisite actions commit more harm than good?
Making lists of automatic thoughts is stupid. I shall not partake.