3:45 p.m. - August 13, 2003
So I'm done and returning to my office and there's Spec with fruit and a balloon and a stuffed animal and as cheesy [editor's note: Twids, is that still au courant?] as that is, I haven't taken the smile off my face yet. How and why do I get so girly around him? I do, and for now I don't care. [additional note: explore why I consider being giddy or emotional 'girly'.] Am I possessed by the horny bug today or what? Today, yesterday, the day before - all I write about is sex. There's more to me somewhere, right?
The farcical aside, my tenure has come to an end and later tonight the blues will settle and I'll be sad. I've yet to learn how to take things in stride, confident that tomorrow is indeed a new day and not simply The Day After. It's just that I feel so good teaching again, confident and cocksure, and I love being in the classroom. I want to teach full-time again, I do. I also want to go back to school but that issue is one that will remain untouched for today. I know I'm not ready to go back - not ready, but I don't know why.
Yeah, I do. I'm afraid of failing. Same old. Tattoo it into my brain: I never fail, ever.
I'm thinking about inviting myself to Canada for a visit. Does one still have to wait for an invite, or can one - specifically, me - invite himself with a few weeks' warning?
Tangent: I love rubbing my face against and into his chest. I'm freakin' horny. Sex in the teacher's office is never as well-executed as you see in pornos. I know; we've tried a few times this year and last. I want to fuck him right now.
I think I shall.
Jesus. What's gotten into me?